ACME Generic Christmas Letter
The 2008 Christmas season’s time-saving innovation for busy people!
Easy to follow instructions: In each section we have included the most popular choices, according to a recent survey among busy people such as yourself. Draw a line through non-applicable words or circle the applicable ones. Then, fill in the blanks as needed. It’s that easy!
Part A: Salutation
Dear friends / family /
dudes / coworkers / IRS employees / worldwide community,
Part B: The Opening
I / We can’t believe how quickly this year has passed. I / We have been incredibly busy with work / school / church / home shopping network / zither lessons / soccer / baseball / football /catering / basketball / polo / rugby / jai alai / genealogy / therapy / movies / raising rabbits / yoga./tae bo
Part C: News and Accomplishments
I / We / Jeff have / has received an enviable raise / been promoted to Chairman of the Board / unlimited usage of the company jet / often worked long hours / regularly received 100 emails a day / taken a second job at McDonalds / often had to take lunch off for Frisbee golf / applied for Unemployment / been serving 5-10 for embezzlement.
my / our leisure time I / we climbed Mount Everest / played Monopoly / took a Caribbean cruise / almost got the yard finished / camped a couple of nights in Malibu / vacationed in Maui / bar-b-q'd on the back patio / learned to ski / earned a pilot’s license / motorcycled through China / restored a 57 Chevy / piddled around as usual I / We also volunteered our vast amount of spare time as a School Crossing Guard / 11 year old scout leader / Activity days leader / Salvation Army Bell Ringer/ Bingo Night Bouncer/ enrichment committee member / Handicap Parking Monitor / Peewee Hockey Coach / Greenpeace activist / Prison Chaplain / Neighborhood Watch Captain.
Part D: The Children
I / We am / are so proud of my / our amazing / good / wonderful / beautiful / perfect children.
not / attending school and is currently in grade /K/1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/F/SJ/Sr. I / We are especially pleased that he / she has participated in the gifted and talented program , plays the following instrument: radio, is working part-time / full-time at her etsy shop and has earned the following recognition(s): master muffin maker .
not / attending school and is currently in grade P/K/1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/F/S/J/Sr. I / We are especially pleased that he / she has gotten baptized this year , plays the following instrument: vcr , is working part-time / full-time at vacuuming the house and has earned the following recognition(s): master snowflake cookie baker .
not / attending school and is currently in grade P/K/1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/F/S/J/Sr. I / We are especially pleased that he / she has participated in the Maple Rose Preschool Christmas program , plays the following instrument: Mozilla Firefox , is working part-time / full-time at bugging his sisters and has earned the following recognition(s): certified Calvin and Hobbes look-alike
If space is needed for additional children please use back of page. See page back X .
Part E: The Invitation
Please feel free to call / visit / stay overnight /
move-in indefinitely if you are ever in the area.
Part F: The Closing Blessing
I / We hope that this Christmas /
Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / season is one of perpetual debt / love / joy / hope / peace for you and yours.
‘Til next year, love /
warm regards / bah humbug Amara Tia Ari Kai Jeff
For a personal touch, and to let your recipients know how really busy you are, gently sprinkle your ACME generic Christmas letter with water, dust lightly with flour and crumple slightly.
ACME - A Christmas Made Easy
See our 2004 catalog for more timesaving holiday products