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I listened to this talk in the middle of the night on KBYU Sunday night called "Weaknesses can become Strengths". It wasn't what you are thinking, the guy didn't say God will change you and take away your weaknesses. He said that our weaknesses are spiritual gifts from God to help us stay close to him and rely on him. He quoted Paul in the New Testament saying how he "intreated the Lord thrice" to take his away, and it wasn't taken away. Then this guy shared his own personal failing and how it could get in the way of his church service, job, etc. He said he kept asking to have it taken away (it was a paralyzing fear of looking foolish). It wasn't taken away. BUT, he said, when he asked, and relied on God's help, the power of God always overcame it when it needed to be overcome. What struck me, is he was very clear on what was him, and what was the Lord, and grateful for the help when it came. At the time I was trying to self evaluate, and see what my weaknesses were, and came up with plenty (lack of patience --especially with Ari and her schoolwork, anger/irritability etc. etc.) but wasn't sure if one was a "God -given weakness" in the sense this guy was talking about. Maybe the obvious one has already occurred to you since I said "watching in the middle of the night", but it took me two days and a second almost completely sleepness night to see "Duh" the GRAVES. I've got hyperthyroidism --or Graves disease. It seems like whenever I'm feeling really powerful, and take on all these extra projects, the stress kicks my Graves disease out of control again. Symptoms include a high resting heart rate (like sometimes 90-100 beats per minute --and can lead to fibrillation and death), insomnia, shaking hands, absentmindedness, anxiety (panic attacks), muscle deterioration (that's the weight loss you may have heard of), itching skin, diarrhea, the list goes on and on for many people, but those are my main ones. So yeah. Feeling pretty good about all my "look at me now" stuff, and I fall apart. I slept about 3 hours last night, and when I did had a horrible nightmare that vampires were chasing me (yeah, thanks Stephanie Meyer) and I couldn't get away. We were in a church building, and I kept trying to run for an exit, and couldn't get to it fast enough (read in here stress about church callings), and because of that, the vampires were killing children including MY children (see my stress about being a crappy parent). I just kept thinking if I could run FASTER, it would all be OK. Some strong man (I think it was Jeff, but I didn't look, I was running too fast) took my arm to help me run faster, and I was so grateful, but then I looked to the side, and vampires were passing us. It still wasn't fast enough (read in here my husbands great support which sometimes is powerless in the face of my ridiculous expectations for myself). OK then? The whole time I'm running, I'm talking to someone about a catering job, and assuring them I could do it. I'm not making that up. I was a little worried about staying in the building for it with all the possible consequences, but I was STILL GOING TO DO IT. I woke up about 6:30 and couldn't sleep anymore. Good solid 3 hours. I teach a Tae Bo class at 9:15. I totally broke down on poor Jeff, who took the day off work to keep me in bed. I'm sneaking now to write to you guys (he left the house to meet with this condo guy) because self expression is good right? Plus, maybe it will help me to remember not to do this to myself again. Right. Sure. But hey you know what? I prayed pretty hard, and I still taught my class which went really well. I know that was a gift from God. When I'm Gravy I can't remember what I want to do in a class, and I'm out of breath the whole time (heart rate issues). The exercise was good for stress relief too. I was getting pretty bad before the last catering job also, and everything went really smoothly. Contrasting that with a job I did last summer when I was so absentminded Audrey had to talk me through the set-up to get it out there, and I think I'm learning to rely on the Lord a little better. I've probably scared off anyone who thought they were going to read my blog regularly though. I've got some good garden pictures for tomorrow......
My dad always says --why grow corn when there's a farmstand on every corner in summer with juicy sweetness and no earwigs to battle? OK, he probably didn't say juicy sweetness, but he meant it. Harward farms has got some corn to reckon with. Ornamental corn is another story. At about $1.00 per ear, it ain't cheap. The quality isn't always the best either. But girlzies, it's just as easy to grow as sweet corn without the earwig issues. Plus, along with the ears which make a classy wreath (can I say that? I love my wreath even though it's lopsided and some kernals are rubbing off this year), you've got extra for a table centerpiece, and the stalks which I always like to buy for the porch anyway. Just grab a seed packet at your local wally-world or a garden center if you have one nearby, and put them in the ground. You could even buy an ear from the store the first year, rub some off and plant that. That's what I do now with an ear from the year before. Don't look at my white pumpkins in the picture --they're holding up my stalks which got in a fight with the neighbor kid. I told you DON'T look. Sigh.
Just finished teaching my class, with TWO people. That's so discouraging. I've got 5 or 6 people signed up, but most didn't show today. Kills me. I know I need to do more advertising, but haven't had the time lately. I've got it scheduled in this week though. This is a new time for the studio 9:15 --it's a "mommy class" --you know, get the kids off to school, and THEN it's time for yourself. The thing with Mommys is , it's hard to pin us down to a firm schedule. Everything is so chaotic with little ones. I think I teach a pretty good class, so I'm trying not to take it personally. I'm just hoping to get a few die-hard toughies like Kelli and Audrey (neither whom can take this class now for health reasons) to form a core class we can build off of energy-wise. I'm praying for it. Anyone that wants to pray for me too, I wouldn't mind. I've got to beat the yoga lady for numbers of people by the end of the year!
If by any chance Vicki Gunther is reading this, it occurred to me a little late to get permission to use your poem and its title. I've sent an email to Meridian magazine asking for it, but if you see this blog before I get to you, please forgive me, and to everyone ELSE reading this, the whole name and theme of my blog may be changing soon. Just like me to start a major project with a major faux pas.
OK my first post isn't going to be very exciting. But that's OK right? I'm testing the waters. We finally got back to the library today and brought back all 49 books that were overdue. It's hard for me to be motivated to go very often because there are no fines, and my kids get so many books every time, it gets them through a good month or so. I'm just proud of myself that we made it there at all. The librarian guy always seems to look cranky when we come in. I wonder why? Today he did a nice little demonstration for my kids on what "not to do" with library books illustrated completely with examples of books we had just brought back. Sigh. But we FOUND all the books and brought them ALL (OK, I forgot we'd gotten a movie too last time, he had to renew it --so graciously). I miss the older lady that used to be there. She thought I was mother of the year for just getting books. I'm not this guy's favorite person.
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I used to hate mums. I told Jeff they were just for putting on graves for memorial day. But in a fall garden it seems like you can't get a better solid dose of color than some mums. All of the red you see here came from one container of mums I bought at the mart last year on sale (around Memorial day --no kidding. these ARE good for graves even if I'm a mums convert). I split them up this spring, and they are covering big stretches of otherwise bare dirt. I love me a hard-working plant. This fall has been so nice with no hard frosts yet, so all my foliage is still intact to contrast with these big bursts of red. Yum. I feel really spoiled. The one thing I'm missing is some asters. I had some in Taylorsville and they were wonderful in the fall. I'm going to try to get some drive by pictures of some beautiful asters in the neighborhood I've seen and coveted. Stay tuned. 
that purple foliage against the yellow and green. Hmmm. Looks like I might need to work on my focusing. OK it's really bad. I thought this camera was automatic for that kind of thing. Must be all those confusing grass focal points.
