It's all beautiful...

 I've been doing a lot of avoidance strategies lately: facebook, netflix, reading blogs. I realized I was so busy for a while, it gave me a great sense of purpose. When things slowed down a little bit, I had a hole I needed to fill. Add to that a scare I had the other day (well, it hasn't gone away yet really) with a friend's health, and I found I was trying to escape my own life. 

 I was reading John Scalzi's blog, and ran across a post that really resonated: It's all beautiful and nothing lasts.   He talked about a dream he had, and this is something he says in the dream. What struck me, was that it wasn't defeatist, it was motivational: it doesn't last so enjoy the heck out of life while you have it --whatever it is. 

 I went to my daughter's choir concert last night, and they had a mentally handicapped girl there participating. At the end of the first song, she screamed "more more" so the choir sang her favorite song for her. She was so over-stimulated that she kind of lost control, and was rubbing her face and shouting, and flailing, and I thought --her parents! The pain they must feel right now! The pain they feel every day! But I looked at the choir, and those kids just saw that they were making this girl happy. They saw beauty. I realized that you could see the moment in two different ways. I've been looking at things wrong a lot. 

 Excuse the clichéed simile with autumn and death. Each week I see more and more leaves fall, each week the beauty moves down the mountain. At first the brightest colors are the furthest away, but as winter and death gets closer, the color moves down towards the valley, toward my own front yard. Soon the aspens by my driveway will be bright gold; then they will be dead for winter. 

 With more intense feelings, even bad ones, come more beauty. I valued my friend more as I feared for her health. I mourn the loss of having little babies in the house, and passed a mom with a 6 month old in the grocery store yesterday, and said "you are so lucky!" I saw the beauty in the little baby girl precisely because my baby days were over. I don't remember if I knew how lucky I was when I had babies. I hope I did, but there is beauty in the remembering and yearning too. 

 So I run up the mountain, and enjoy the beauty even of the leaves that have fallen. When winter comes, I will no doubt exclaim over snow and ice crystals. I hope I can stop and enjoy listening to Ari and Kai's chatter after school today. Tia still thinks I'm funny sometimes. I hope I appreciate that now -- It won't last!

 To see the beauty, I have to look for it in each moment. Remember with fondness, and not block the pain --there is beauty in the fallen leaves too.

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Little Jerusalem.

 Jeff works with the youth in our neighborhood --our local church's "Yong Men" program. Recently they had an amazing activity. One of the men in our church works for the movie department, and let all of the Young Men, Young Women, and their leaders go out to visit the movie sets where they film movies about the life of the Savior. Lucky Jeff got to go with our girls. 

 They've constructed what looks like a real stone city out in the Utah desert. 

 Jeff took almost 5 dozen pictures. There were a bunch of sunset shots as they arrived in the evening. It made for some pretty dramatic lighting.

 As I looked at the pictures, I saw that a number of leaders brought their other kids. Kai and I should have stowed away too! We had a nice evening together at home, and took a walk together, but this would have been a blast.

 It was neat to see scenery that I recognized, like the balcony where Pilate stood,

 Porticos where the sick were healed,

 Massive temple columns,

 Steps where he stood and preached.

 Fantastic, mind blowing architecture.

 Twisted ancient trees for Gethsemane.

 Seeing what was meant to be Calvary at sunset was particularly poignant.

  

 Can you make out the dome in the background?  

 It impressed me how much trouble and expense was put into this enterprise. Nothing but the best when filming such an important subject I suppose.

 I'm jealous, but someday maybe Kai and I will have our turn.

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Fog, The lacemaker.

Last night it snowed through a dense fog. I don't know how that was possible, the temperature must have been right at the freezing level, but we drove through it, so I know it was there. Do you know how else I know the fog was there last night? The trees this morning. I know I do a lot of posts on trees, but they were stunning everywhere I looked this morning. Please click on each picture if you would like to see them up close. This small size doesn't do them justice.

Look at these branches flowing down white like a waterfall.

I love these two. So dense with branches and frosty snow, valenciennes couldn't be more elaborate. Sometimes I wonder if lace was created to mimic what people saw outside in winter. A poor substitute for the real thing.

Do you remember the golden tree I highlighted in the fall? Here he is above and below in his majestic winter icing.

Look at this. I love how the evergreens contrast with the deciduous trees, and how you can barely see the mountains through the fog in the background. I just saw this on the side of the highway and had to pull over with my hazards on to take the picture.

You can really see the difference in a tree's character with the snow on the branches. The tree above is dense with crooked, finger-like branching making it look more cozy and motherly. I think it's a fruit tree. The one below is so much more architectural. Firm and stern and straight arrow. Not as comfortable a tree, but fascinating in its own right.

I've been asking myself (and everyone around me for that matter) the last few weeks WHY WHY WHY do we live here in this miserable cold? Well, OK. The frosty trees are one good reason to stay.

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Perfect. Just perfect.

The Gosby House (this is the one I'm talking about) from Bedandbreakfast.com

I'm OK just in case you're all wondering. I went to Lisa's class this morning and it killed me, but once again at least I "kept going". Really though I get embarrassed when I'm gasping so hard for breath it sounds like I'm sobbing. But hey, I kept going.

What I really wanted to talk about is my perfect day. June at Bye Bye Pie just did a post where she described her perfect day and, except for the wine, it would have been pretty close to mine.


Here's what mine would be. I'd wake up in that big yellow bed and breakfast right on cannery row in Monterey, and they'd bring me a big raspberry blueberry smoothie in bed. I'd roll over and kiss Jeff for a while, and then he'd go off and do his thing for a few hours so I wouldn't have to worry about him. I'd roll back over and read the latest Jane Austin book, because she'd write a new one for me.

I'd have to go for a long jog on the trail there, because the weather would be sunny with a light breeze, just perfect for running. Jeff would show up and we'd go snorkeling in front of Hopkins so we could play hide and seek with the seals and no one would hassle us. We'd also see an octopus, some otters, and a whale (because why not?). I wouldn't have a panic attack seeing the breakers. Then we'd lay on the beach and soak up some sun, and the resident cats would come cuddle with me. Jeff would have packed a picnic lunch with french bread, marinated artichoke hearts, fresh avocados, some cool smoked cheese, and ginger beer (no it doesn't get you drunk shush.), and chocolate chip cookies.

For dinner, the bed and breakfast would have prepared a big room with lots of squishy chairs and a big fireplace with a roaring fire, and a great buffet, which I won't detail, just really good, beautiful food, and all my friends and family are there, and they are all happy, and I don't need to worry about any of them, because they are all doing fine, and they all have good jobs, and no one is sick, and no one's feelings are hurt, and they all love the food, and we've all just read Jane Austin's latest book (that she wrote for me), and we all share opinions on it, and our minds are all opened, and we all learn something new in the stimulating conversation, but basically we all agree that it was brilliant and touching, and then we all get tired, and just push the furniture out of the way, and all get big fluffy comforters and pillows, and fall asleep together with the fire going out on the hearth.

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