Thursday, January 28, 2010

Play that funky music

What do you do when you're down? I've had a rough few days. I've got drama with Ari's school, and I'm AGONIZING over a decision I don't want to make. I don't want to face it. I want to take a nap and never wake up sometimes. I know that sounds suicidal, I just mean I want to escape, and it would be nice if it was for good.

OK, here's what pulled me through the last few days. First, thank heaven (literally) for that Tae Bo class I teach. I didn't even think I could get through it, but the music started and those great students were all there with their energy, and suddenly I was in heaven: moving so quickly, punching out my aggression, hitting right on the beat, like an extra reinforcement from the universe (--yes I know this sounds cheesy). Five minutes into that class and I was rocking a huge smile on my face. I love that cardio kickboxing. Love it. Yay for my students too. Yay yay. ..and spin class this morning was great. Something about that endorphin high I guess.

Second, I needed a little more than my "book on mp3" lately. I love the escapism of the stories I listen to, --I always pick YA fiction --cause that's the point for me --I don't need extra seriousness in my life, but lately I just scanned around the FM radio, and found this funky little station, that doesn't even work inside buildings sometimes, the signal is so small (90.90 for those of you in Utah). It has all of these hippie type songs, that take me back to all those times Kay or Fred and I went to the coffee shops with Norman, or that other guy? What was his name again? The big guy with the dark hair? I can never remember his name; and I got a huge bowl-like mug of hot chocolate, Mexican hot Chocolate if we went to the gay coffee shop,--cause it was the best (you know with that little cinnamon hit you get with that kind of hot chocolate?), and I would ask Kay which waitress was the cutest (and secretly wonder if she was cuter than me, but that's just my perennial insecurity that always crops up). We'd listen to that kind of music in those shops, and it makes me happy now to sing out loud to those songs when I hear them again.

Third, Jeff and I sometimes do a little cardio at night, while we're watching a show, and then late at night, when I'm taking a bath, it's so beautiful with the lights on the sparkly window (yeah, of COURSE it's privacy glass), and the big tub, and all my little decorations that I picked out as an expression of me (me and Jeff I guess, OK, and let's confess, I bought a lot because they were on sale), and the big big heavy cotton towels, and Jeff to snuggle with at the end of the day. Yum.

I know my problems are doinky compared to most people, and it makes it all the worse that they can plow me under like this, but, I'm going to be OK. I've got a lot to be thankful for.


Deja said...

This is beautiful, Ammie. And I've always thought teaching was good for a mood-lift: we're our best selves in front of the class, or least we have to pretend to me. We fake it and we make it.

And tubs ... mmmm. Love tubs. And 90.9. And snuggling with nice husbands. And memories of drinking hot chocolate with boys. And all of this. My favorite things, too. We must be sisters.

Hope you feel better, and that things get better.

Rachel said...

You are strong. Don't ever minimize your trials, only because Heavenly Father allowed you to have them so you could grow from them. They were important enough that our Savior died and He knows exactly what you are going through.

That is the comfort that I love the most when I am going through a trial. Miss you! :)

Kira said...

We will pray for you and your Ari. Glad you have "cardio" with Jeff and baths :)

belann said...

Music can be a great can sweet husbands and exercise. Thank goodness we have them to help us through tough times.

Meeshab said...

Wow! What a rockin post. I love the universe line. It is true. I had a similar experience at a spin class. I was going so hard that it was like I was kicking my problem (a person at the time) in the butt. It made me cry. Tears are far away now, at this age, but the class was so cathartic that way, and powerful, yes, it was a powerful, angry cry and the class set the mood for it. I was screaming "Bring it" (in my head)