What do you do when you're down? I've had a rough few days. I've got drama with Ari's school, and I'm AGONIZING over a decision I don't want to make. I don't want to face it. I want to take a nap and never wake up sometimes. I know that sounds suicidal, I just mean I want to escape, and it would be nice if it was for good.
OK, here's what pulled me through the last few days. First, thank heaven (literally) for that Tae Bo class I teach. I didn't even think I could get through it, but the music started and those great students were all there with their energy, and suddenly I was in heaven: moving so quickly, punching out my aggression, hitting right on the beat, like an extra reinforcement from the universe (--yes I know this sounds cheesy). Five minutes into that class and I was rocking a huge smile on my face. I love that cardio kickboxing. Love it. Yay for my students too. Yay yay. ..and spin class this morning was great. Something about that endorphin high I guess.
Second, I needed a little more than my "book on mp3" lately. I love the escapism of the stories I listen to, --I always pick YA fiction --cause that's the point for me --I don't need extra seriousness in my life, but lately I just scanned around the FM radio, and found this funky little station, that doesn't even work inside buildings sometimes, the signal is so small (90.90 for those of you in Utah). It has all of these hippie type songs, that take me back to all those times Kay or Fred and I went to the coffee shops with Norman, or that other guy? What was his name again? The big guy with the dark hair? I can never remember his name; and I got a huge bowl-like mug of hot chocolate, Mexican hot Chocolate if we went to the gay coffee shop,--cause it was the best (you know with that little cinnamon hit you get with that kind of hot chocolate?), and I would ask Kay which waitress was the cutest (and secretly wonder if she was cuter than me, but that's just my perennial insecurity that always crops up). We'd listen to that kind of music in those shops, and it makes me happy now to sing out loud to those songs when I hear them again.
Third, Jeff and I sometimes do a little cardio at night, while we're watching a show, and then late at night, when I'm taking a bath, it's so beautiful with the lights on the sparkly window (yeah, of COURSE it's privacy glass), and the big tub, and all my little decorations that I picked out as an expression of me (me and Jeff I guess, OK, and let's confess, I bought a lot because they were on sale), and the big big heavy cotton towels, and Jeff to snuggle with at the end of the day. Yum.
I know my problems are doinky compared to most people, and it makes it all the worse that they can plow me under like this, but, I'm going to be OK. I've got a lot to be thankful for.
Fairbanks and the North Pole
2 weeks ago